Sassy Saucy Sarcasm
by TealEyedBeing
Summary: Shiro is one sharp tongued pervert and Grimmjow was the unlucky kitty that wandered to his table in the corner. Blatant implied IchiShiro-ness. Other Warnings/Disclaimer inside.  I would put this in the Grimm/Shiro section, but ShiroIchi is more popular


_**Warnings/Disclaimer: **__I do not own Grimmjow, Shiro-Hollow Ichigo, Ichigo, Rukia, or Renji (the last two only mentioned very briefly in a passing line and Ichigo himself is only talked/thought about by Shiro as the two Hollows are the main characters here). Also! I do not own each of the real items used in this fic. They'll be pretty obvious. Do NOT own. I'd flat out skip college and be a lazy ass for the rest of my life if I did._

_Anyways, rating is bumped up to a T for the warning regarding Shiro's sexily dirty mouth x3 Ohmigosh guys, I was so SMUG about this fic. I have absolutely no idea what my teacher in lab today was lecturing about because I hardcore wrote three pages of this on college ruled paper and totally killed my hand but oh baby~ baby, was it WORTH it! I haven't written something this good (that I actually personally loved myself) in ages! _

_Also warnings (besides Shiro's language along with Grimm) this IS an AU and there is some mild Grimm OOCness cuz Shiro is beating him all to the punch with the one-liners lmao And remember that I never ever mean to offend anyone. I really hope everyone enjoys this fic because I sure as hell enjoyed myself writing it. My grade in lab will suffer, you guys better be grateful I was so inspired and seized up in the moment xD_

_Onto the fic already!_

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><p><strong>~x~<strong>

**Sassy Saucy Sarcasm**

**~x~**

Laptop open and quietly playing a Linkin Park song at a respectfully low volume, Shiro slouched in his currently claimed plastic chair and grumbled crossly about the essay due in two hours around the Grandma's chocolate chip cookie in his mouth that was quickly devoured. He was lounging lazily in the half-full, half-empty college cafeteria, stewing over his lack of "sufficient sources" and total lack of drive to complete his final draft and email it off.

The nineteen year old was tucked in the corner of the large dining room, happily all by his lonesome at a ovalish yellow table, hence the reason Papercut was trickling through his laptop's speakers instead of directly into his eardrums via his normal Skull Candy headphones. Well, that and the fact that Shiro's headphones were still back in his dorm room because the teen had been too lazy that morning to stuff them into his bag.

It was now getting to be past the 12:30 mark in the afternoon and everyone had about another hour left to stuff their faces before the faculty kicked them all out to prevent the munchies as they made dinner. Fact was that Shiro was feeling rather mellow irritable from the combination of good music playing and a deadline looming its ugly head. And then this bright, literally baby blue haired muscular dude all but collapsed into the plastic caf chair across from Shirosaki.

Faced with one arched white eyebrow from the albino, the obnoxiously bright haired buy guy huffed. "Who even listens to Linkin Park anymore, man?" The stranger groused at the back of Shiro's spastically sticker covered laptop with something of a tired sneer.

Shiro slowly and deliberately leaned forward so he had room to turn and look at the empty space behind him, pausing for emphasis before flopping back straight in his chair to face his new table companion, faking a blank look of confusion.

The blueberry studmuffin scowled, crossing tan muscular arms bulging like boa constrictors over a chest that the navy skin tight Underarmor long sleeved tee struggled to remain stretched over. "I was talking to _you_, dumbass." He griped, his slouch now mimicking Shiro's.

"Oh sorry," the white haired definitively smaller male apologized sweetly over Nobody's Listening. "I was just checking to make sure since it was pretty obvious that _**I**_'m listening to Linkin Park and ya don't look _too much_ like a big dumb brute, at least." Shiro's innocent smile morphed into a wicked grin at his buddy's angrily narrowed eyes and sharp, disapproving frown at his sly jab to both intelligence and appearance.

"Yanno what they say though- never judge a book by its cover, though ya _are_ one glossy, pretty thing, but you could have some nasty content inside." The skinnier teen continued in a purr, because yes if you had noticed, Shiro had been eyeing the bluenet appreciatively in an obviously gay way. Shiro didn't hate females, but he definitely couldn't stand the idea of dating a person of opposite gender.

The bluenet bristled up defensively at the continued smartass jabs, looking about ready to spit and hiss like an angry tomcat, the similarity cementing a nickname in Shiro's mind to further annoy the hell out of the blueberry studmuffin. Mr Uber Tall and Sexy Muscles was rather hot when he was all ruffled and pissed off about it. Snickering triumphantly to himself at a successful bout of sexy teasing, Shiro tuned his music down a little more to catch what Kitty-kun finally came back with after regaining his composure.

"Shut it, Snowflake, I ain't gay." **(1)** Kitty-kun barked with a deliberate low timbre- typical macho guy protecting his strong appearance by being suspicious of anyone hearing him say the straight man-dreaded "G-A-Y."

One- Shiro rolled his eyes and smirked at the largely uncreative petname back. It was December first tomorrow and he was a white teen sitting near a fake Christmas tree being posed as decoration- so unoriginal. Two- Oh Shiro was gonna tease the hell out of Kitty-kun and teach him that he wasn't sitting alone because he preferred it- it was because no one could handle his sharp tongue. 'cept Shiro's beloved Ichi-King that is.

"Oh~ how cruel the world truly is to make the sexiest beasts whipped to feminine wiles~!" The albino lamented woefully, ridiculously pleased when his iTunes chose that moment to switch songs into a soulful violin solo. Damn, that was an epic coincidental sound effect.

Kitty-kun puffed back up, looking about ready to blow his pretty blue top, but Shiro couldn't take it any more and let out his high pitched cackles of delight while flopping a limp hand. "Chillax, Kitty-kun!" Shiro crooned after sucking in some air to calm his rampant giggles. "I'm just harmlessly flirting witcha. There's no _way_ I'd grab at your sweet ass until ya at least admitted to being bicurious **and** my Ichi-King being up to 'nother threesome. We haven't had one since Renji finally got into Rukia's skirt last year." The albino was quite amused to see the big blue kitty getting all flustered by his blatant and saucy words of both teasing and truth.

The blueberry studmuffin huffed in annoyance and great awkward embarrassment, right about now probably regretting having followed his curiosity and came to see why the sassy smaller teen had been sitting alone in a corner like he'd then-thought as a pitiful introvert. Ha! It was probably better for anyone's mental sanity that this white devil did sit by himself, keeping his corrupting sarcasm behind wickedly quick lips.

"So what? You're gay besides being a freak?" The bluenet managed to grumble half-heartedly, really too burnt out of surprise to really cruelly mean the normally degrading words.

Shiro embraced the comment as a compliment full-heartedly with a wide, damn straight proud grin that showed nearly all his pearly whites. "Ya bet your rippling pectorals, Kitty-kun." The nineteen year old purred seductively, purposefully dropping his golden gaze and was hysterically delighted when Kitty-kun's chest jumped under his obvious stare and the studmufin childlishly crossed his arms tighter as if to hide himself like a blushing virgin damsel in distress and Shiro was the revenging white dragon that defiled his innocence. The albino didn't doubt that Kitty-kun wasn't a technical virgin anymore, but he had full confidence that studmuffin here _was_ a virgin where it mattered to guys like **him.** After all, Shiro had gotten good at deflowering innocence once he'd thoroughly claimed Ichigo

Slapping his Toshiba shut with an abrupt enough movement to make Kitty-kun jump like a startled feline, the albino male leaned over the ovalish yellow caf table and whispered huskily. "Tell ya what, Kitty-kun, Imma talk to my Ichi-King bout that threesome, kay?" Winking at the blueberry studmuffin's horrifie blush, Shiro giggled as he snatched up his backpack and tucked his laptop under one arm. "Come find me again when ya get horny enough to be bicurious, ne?" Gleefully, Shiro observed how he'd left the bluenet speechless before the younger teenager hopped up and sauntered his way out of the cafeteria.

So much for that essay getting done on time. Shiro wondered how much his teacher would bitch if he turned it in a few hours late.

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><p><strong>1. Credit for the petname Snowflake goes to LyricalSin :3<strong>

_Oh Shiro, you naughty thing x3 lmao~ I amuse myself :3 so~? How was it? Good? Too silly? Oh, and True-Love-IchiHichi, I dunno if you fully caught it, but there was some implied SemeIchigo in here, just for you :3 and I dunno if you like uke Grimm or not, but it's pretty obvious Shiro was topping him at least verbally xD_

_Well I got a good amount of happiness out of this :3 drop a review ne?_


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